I’ve been reading a book called Awareness by Anthony de Mello, and a section titled “How Happiness Happens” has given me something to think about.
He talks about three of the most difficult things a human being can do. Interestingly, they have nothing to do with physical strength, intelligence, or achievement.
They are:
Returning love for hate.
Including the excluded.
Admitting that you are wrong.
At first glance, these sound simple enough. But when you really think about them, they’re probably some of the hardest things we’re asked to do.
The first, returning love for hate, doesn’t mean allowing someone to mistreat us or abandoning our boundaries. It means choosing not to let someone else’s behavior dictate who we become. It’s resisting the urge to retaliate, choosing understanding over anger when possible, and remembering that we can disagree with someone without wishing them harm.
The second, including the excluded, is about looking beyond our natural circles and comfort zones. It’s noticing the person who isn’t being invited into the conversation, the one who feels left out, or the person who might be different from us. It’s making room at the table, being curious instead of judgmental, and remembering that everyone wants to feel seen and valued.
And then there’s the third one. Admitting we’re wrong. Whew. This one can be especially difficult because our egos like to protect us. We defend our positions, justify our decisions, and sometimes spend more energy being right than understanding one another. What if we got better at saying, “I hadn’t thought about it that way,” or simply, “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” Imagine how many relationships could benefit from that!
What I love about these three ideas is that they all require us to get outside of ourselves. To loosen our grip on our ego, our opinions, and our need to be right.
De Mello’s broader message in Awareness is about waking up to the ways our conditioning, expectations, and attachments influence how we see the world. The more aware we become of our own reactions, the more freedom we have to choose a different response.
Maybe happiness isn’t always about getting what we want, having things go our way, or convincing everyone to see things as we do. Maybe some of it comes from becoming the kind of person who can love when it’s difficult, include when it’s uncomfortable, and admit when we’re wrong.
Three simple ideas. Three incredibly difficult practices.
But imagine what our homes, friendships, workplaces, and relationships might look like if we all got just a little better at them.
Something to think about this week!
XX,
MG